I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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