My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
