U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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