Got a toothbrush?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize