My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
