My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
