well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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