Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
