Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
