what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
