i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i have herpe
just one?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm too high and old for this...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
