the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
