We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
