i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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