he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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