If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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