is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
