can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
