he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
