So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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