We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
