Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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