I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
