Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
