By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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