Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
