I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
3 2 1 whiskey
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
