I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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