I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
