Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
