after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
