Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
