just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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