just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
