Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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