We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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