Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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