You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
