Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Congratulations! We have a period
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