Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
