im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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