Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
