Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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