So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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