tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
