omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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