whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
