Porn is love you can see.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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