Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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