I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think my moral compass just broke
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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