Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
