You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
