I just threw up on my dentist
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
