I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
