Non-Jews are for practice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
