FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize