But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
