This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
