Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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