It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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