he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
