I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
