but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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