Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
