I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
