I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
