You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
