need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
