dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
