Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
