yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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