We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
