a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
