He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
