I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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