Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
