I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
