Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
