yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
