I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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