my being single is dangerous.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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