Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
