that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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