I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
