____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
