he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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