puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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