I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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