My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
