your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if only i could text you this smell
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arbyβs curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
