How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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