so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
