But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
