just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize