how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
