If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
