Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i believe in u and ur pee
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