Your face is a jimmy john
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
