Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
