Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
