dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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