She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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