You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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