Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
