jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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