I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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