I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
