JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
