There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
